The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

So I’ve decided after a little soul searching and a trip down memory lane…that I am not throwing the towel in…I will make my way out of the ABJ and back into a life that makes me feel alive.

Lately I have noticed that I feel like a half dead version of myself.  All day long I sit at a desk listening to idiots who DON’T listen to me…I swear I have to repeat information at LEAST three times…No our hours are 8-5….they are eight to five.  Yeah if you ask me a third time they still DON’T change! WOW!

Also people I don’t make the rules….I know I may have told you something else the first time, well then someone else gave me a new rule to follow so I do so.  Yes I know this isn’t how it worked last time.  I am sorry for the confusion but this is how it is NOW I am following what others tell me…you can look at me and ask me in as many different questioning sentences as possible I still will not change what I have to say.

I also love how people look at me and cock their head when I tell them my schedule….Really yes I know I work shitty hours that change ALL WEEK LONG –you don’t need to look at me like that to remind me.

Also please do not tell me “wow you have a college degree and you are doing this”

Do you want my death to be on your hands?  Because I can make that a possibility-don’t tempt me or fate for that matter.

Now here is the sick truth readers….I am thinking of going back to school.  I just can’t make the decision for certain if that is what I should do because let’s face it I have bills and at least have to pretend to be an adult and I really am not sure how good of a multi- tasker I am.  But it’s an idea I’ve been throwing around my head….I would love to have a masters degree….and I like school so it seems like a win, win situation.  I just have to solidify myself on what I want to be when I grow up because let’s face it there is a difference between what I think would be a awesome job and what could actually make its way to reality. 

Also I miss my creative endeavors that made me feel like me…I miss dancing…and acting…and hanging out with friends…..i miss writing more than I do currently and I really want to love what I do…so I decided every night I need to put some time to these uses..whether that be exercising, blogging, or job searching it will be done….Wish me luck!

GBU2

So I was talking to the sister the other day about sister number two’s demon dogs and I decided to catalogue all the animal’s crazy personality types…..

Dog number one goes by S.  She is the oldest of sister twos animals.  She also likes to be a skank and show off her vagina to dog number two….she is the oldest and she is very comfortable with her sexuality..….which I guess we shouldn’t be surprised about.  She did LOVE the toy big fluffy toy grandma gave her.  And for reasons unknown to me believed it to be a sexual toy…poor humpty never had a chance of surviving.

Dog number two goes by C.  He is that teenage boy in high school that believes the more ANNOYING you are the more likely the girl is to fall madly in love with you.  He is like that boy in high school who thought that he was illustrating his admiration for you by jiggling your chair all through freshman honors English.  The boy you contemplated slapping in the face daily….Yes that is exactly who C is, except he believes following you, trying to trip you, and sniffing your crotch is the BEST THING EVER!

Sister number one’s dog P is the oldest of the bunch, but does not act like it at all.  She is needy, CAN NOT BE LEFT ALONE!  Loves to tattle on the other dogs when they are fighting.  Mopes around the house and wants her mother’s attention 24/7.  Also loves her butt scratched, just like her mother….hmmmm

I am also surrounded by two cats who love to have sex and chase each other around the house.  E is a girl and she can only handle girl attention.  She also is deathly afraid of sister one and runs like a lunatic around the house.  K is a needy boy who does not get enough attention as of late and walks around the house crying….searching for someone to love him.

THIS IS MY DAILY LIFE IN A NUTSHELL FOLKS!

BTW if you can’t tell I was babysitting the pets this last weekend….where is my vacation? 

Dear Fairy Godmother—

Don’t take this the wrong way but, I haven’t seen you around a lot lately. 

Where did you go?  Are you on vacation?  In the bathroom?  Indisposed?  In the hospital?

Please, Please make a return to my life and make it quick! 

It would be much appreciated if you came back before I drown myself

in a disaster of my own design!  Please and thank you!

Sincerely,

GBU2

Me and the sister were having an argument today…..she had a job interview that she was less than excited about, but it seemed kind of promising.

Sister’s reaction-Kill me now

Me-Yea!!! You can have an ABJ too!

S-NONONONO!

M-YES!!! Then we can move away from the other sisters’ crazy dogs! (who are super crazy lately by the way.)

S- No I don’t want it I hate them already! 

M- You will take it! What are you too good for an ABJ?

S-I would rather sell my soul!

M- That is what I do every single day!

S-I would rather be a stripper!  Then I would get paid more to sell my soul!  I think I could get over the idea of taking off my clothes…

M-You are such a whore.

S-I wanna be a stripper!

Don’t look shocked we all have them in one form or another….My abusive boyfriend is my job…which I refer to as ABJ for short.

It’s something we go back to because what we have right now…isn’t any better.  This inevitably happens at different points in our lives and we stand there twiddling our thumbs wondering what we should be doing.  Feeling lost and alone and BAM!  Something we once loathed suddenly doesn’t look all that terrible.  I mean the night before I was totally thinking about how much I hate you and how death would become you..but you want me back? Hmmm maybe I don’t hate you as much as I thought.  I mean I know we are most likely going to make the same mistakes as before…but I’m not doing anything right now…and either are you and you want me.  It’s funny how those words/ sentiments can change everything.

ABJ I still think we are all wrong for each other and I may kill myself because of you…but let’s try this…just for now.

Did I ever tell you, as a little girl, I fell into a toilet because my BOY cousins had left the seat up, and what did my mother do, as I yelled helplessly with my feet in the air, with my bum almost all the way in the toilet?

She LAUGHED. Way to go, Mom….no wonder I have so many issues! It is ALL your fault!

yup this was me as a small child

So, this weekend I am away in the land far, far away to visit Hubby. It was while I was here that I realized all of my years of training Hubby (to be a good Hubby) had gone to Hell in a Handbasket…

Hubby leaves the seat up!

Me: Hubby! You left the toilet seat up! I could have fallen in! Do I have to retrain you?

Hubby: Well, you were the one that decided NOT to come with me, so I’ve reverted to my old ways.

Me: Do I have to get a new Hubby? Retraining is A LOT of work?

So the question remains, can I retrain Hubby in the next 3 days? Guess we shall see.

So, we are at the final stages of being done with the move. Thanks goes out to those that were enlisted in the “helping process” you know who you are…

So Hubby and I continue to clean….well Hubby continues to pack, while I clean…and take a few breaks. Breaks consist of every 10 minutes! They go like this:

*swish the toilet (break)

*clean the mirrors (break)

*vacuum a room (break)

*pack up the bathroom odds and ends (break)

*clean the bathtub (break)

*throw away lots of stuff that I don’t want to pack (break)

*play with the cat (break)

All while Hubby mutters under his breath…

Hey! I’m a good cleaner, I’m just not too motivated anymore….plus I have the art of taking a break down to a science!

A picture of me while making everyone clean the house on the weekends. And no I am not PMSing….I just want a clean house….is it too much to ask for?

But, once the house is clean, I transform back into this. AWWWW.