The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

Dear ABJ-

You never fail to impress upon me just how extremely angry you can make me.  I love watching day in and day out just how incompetent people are, especially when they work the job I used to work.  I also love to see how many people have credit for things that I did when i was in said job.  I love watching people lie, cheat, and steal and get patted on the back for it.  ALSO it is my absolute favorite when no one does their job and expects me to pick up the slack.  Thanks for never realizing hey the person that is the closing shift is actually on vacation…oh well that must be my problem now…what I call my manager and that said manager never picks up the phone?  Oh well.  I love dealing with all these shannanigans when you have never paid me enough, try daily to make me feel like my talents are not as amazing as I KNOW they are, and make me feel like a crazy angry person that wants to set fire to a building.  ABJ you never disapoint when wanting to make me pull out my hair, scream, cry, and set fire to a building.  My hatred for you has grown  a hundred times over.  My poor family hears daily about how i just want to shoot bitches.  I thought I could deal with you ABJ-but i just may have been mistaken.

I HATE YOU. 

Sincerely,

GBU2

So I was talking to the sister the other day about sister number two’s demon dogs and I decided to catalogue all the animal’s crazy personality types…..

Dog number one goes by S.  She is the oldest of sister twos animals.  She also likes to be a skank and show off her vagina to dog number two….she is the oldest and she is very comfortable with her sexuality..….which I guess we shouldn’t be surprised about.  She did LOVE the toy big fluffy toy grandma gave her.  And for reasons unknown to me believed it to be a sexual toy…poor humpty never had a chance of surviving.

Dog number two goes by C.  He is that teenage boy in high school that believes the more ANNOYING you are the more likely the girl is to fall madly in love with you.  He is like that boy in high school who thought that he was illustrating his admiration for you by jiggling your chair all through freshman honors English.  The boy you contemplated slapping in the face daily….Yes that is exactly who C is, except he believes following you, trying to trip you, and sniffing your crotch is the BEST THING EVER!

Sister number one’s dog P is the oldest of the bunch, but does not act like it at all.  She is needy, CAN NOT BE LEFT ALONE!  Loves to tattle on the other dogs when they are fighting.  Mopes around the house and wants her mother’s attention 24/7.  Also loves her butt scratched, just like her mother….hmmmm

I am also surrounded by two cats who love to have sex and chase each other around the house.  E is a girl and she can only handle girl attention.  She also is deathly afraid of sister one and runs like a lunatic around the house.  K is a needy boy who does not get enough attention as of late and walks around the house crying….searching for someone to love him.

THIS IS MY DAILY LIFE IN A NUTSHELL FOLKS!

BTW if you can’t tell I was babysitting the pets this last weekend….where is my vacation? 

Dear Fairy Godmother—

Don’t take this the wrong way but, I haven’t seen you around a lot lately. 

Where did you go?  Are you on vacation?  In the bathroom?  Indisposed?  In the hospital?

Please, Please make a return to my life and make it quick! 

It would be much appreciated if you came back before I drown myself

in a disaster of my own design!  Please and thank you!

Sincerely,

GBU2

Me and the sister were having an argument today…..she had a job interview that she was less than excited about, but it seemed kind of promising.

Sister’s reaction-Kill me now

Me-Yea!!! You can have an ABJ too!

S-NONONONO!

M-YES!!! Then we can move away from the other sisters’ crazy dogs! (who are super crazy lately by the way.)

S- No I don’t want it I hate them already! 

M- You will take it! What are you too good for an ABJ?

S-I would rather sell my soul!

M- That is what I do every single day!

S-I would rather be a stripper!  Then I would get paid more to sell my soul!  I think I could get over the idea of taking off my clothes…

M-You are such a whore.

S-I wanna be a stripper!

So after “awhile” back at the good old ABJ….I have come to the conclusion that presents to myself are a necessity…even mandatory to my good mental health…good may even be a stretch-so you get the idea….it’s really not an optional activity.

Anyway presents–they are my rewards for not saying the nasty little thoughts that go wizzing through my head multiple times a day when dealing with demons at the ABJ.

I have successfully, as of yet anyway. Kept MOST negative things to myself, Yes dear readers I sadly can not keep it in check ALL the time, but I’m pretty good at keeping MOST of my angry little thoughts to myself.  I’m kinda like a helium balloon…I’m still floating but I get closer to the ground slowly…

 I’m pretty sure if I didn’t let some anger out I just might detonate like a bomb and explode the building…which wouldn’t be too bad….

ANYWAY I have survived thus far and it has been a feat.

AND so far I have gotten myself approximately…. ten plus present for the last ninety hours back…hmm this job just might be more expensive than it is worth!

If you put a group of girls together issues arise.  If you put a group of girls together with a few boys sprinkled in, issues still arise.

Each girl wants to be in charge, each girl wants to look the best, and each will try to win.

This does not change whether the girls are friends or sisters. The only thing that changes is HOW they try to get the control. 

I experienced a different level of GT a couple of days ago, I say different because I am used to my sister’s unique levels of GT as well as their usual weapons of choice.  I.E Screaming, yelling, threats to get me to do things for them, or even them taking something I want and using it for their own gain.  They essentially become a tag team when we live in the same house.  Basically it’s always two against one with us.  As long as someone that isn’t us is losing we are cool with that.

I can ignore their joint GT because it is a usual occurrence.  It is a part of my everyday life. 

Outside GT on the other hand is a difficult, daunting, or even draining experience because it is an assault on all one’s senses.  It is something that no one is used to, therefore you have no defense. 

With my sisters I can at least logic that they are my blood and never really could or would hate or judge me.  I believe for as much as sisters torture you-they also are a built in support system.  They tear you down so no one else can.  Sick I know.   

Anyway- when you grow up with specific attacks you need no defense it CAN NOT and will NOT tear you down.  It is the background music to your life.

Outside attacks on the other hand are a different breed.  They are like a horror movie that makes you jump repeatedly because you never know what is coming.  Are they attacking you with niceties?  Sass?  Sarcasm?  You never know what the battle will be….

There is no way, absolutely no way to get around GT.  At most you will be able to ignore familiar GT.

GT can be expected at work, home or play.

At best it is confusing and at worst GT is emotionally draining.

WARNING- GT- can be illustrated by; whining, crying, arguing, yelling, any device to help you get your way-sometimes even silence is utilized.  Short spurts of niceties complete with backhanded comments are a sign that GT has struck again!

So the other day I am getting ready for the day brushing my teeth…thinking well this is as good as I am going to look today bantering with the sister who is doing the same in her room….and when I go to open the door…what do I hear?

Sister-don’t come out!

Me-Why?

S-I am changing my shirt

M-*re-closing bathroom door, thinking to myself not only is her bedroom door WIDE OPEN, but I totally saw naturual light from her room* Isn’t your window and blinds WIDE OPEN?

S- eh

M-Seriously you are worried about me seeing you when any chester molester out there can see perfectly well into your room?

And this dear friends is a regular day at my house…

Don’t look shocked we all have them in one form or another….My abusive boyfriend is my job…which I refer to as ABJ for short.

It’s something we go back to because what we have right now…isn’t any better.  This inevitably happens at different points in our lives and we stand there twiddling our thumbs wondering what we should be doing.  Feeling lost and alone and BAM!  Something we once loathed suddenly doesn’t look all that terrible.  I mean the night before I was totally thinking about how much I hate you and how death would become you..but you want me back? Hmmm maybe I don’t hate you as much as I thought.  I mean I know we are most likely going to make the same mistakes as before…but I’m not doing anything right now…and either are you and you want me.  It’s funny how those words/ sentiments can change everything.

ABJ I still think we are all wrong for each other and I may kill myself because of you…but let’s try this…just for now.

So today is the sisters’ bday and she is very demanding….she has decided to go to work because she wants as many people as possible to tell her how AMAZING she is….her words not mine….

She likes loads of attention…me, I would personally rather stay in bed all day on my birthday…She wants as many people as possible to acknowledge that this is in fact HER day…Lately she has been claiming April as her ENTIRE MONTH…insanity I know.  Especially when April is also her boy’s birthday month as well, she has been trying to talk him into changing months.  The negotiations aren’t going too well.

She has been telling me for days that the ONLY thing she wants for her Birthday is a surprise party.  I told her that is not a gift, nor is it something she is going to get.  Ridiculous.  I love you sis…but a gift is something I can buy at the store gift wrap (badly in comics!) and give to you…Or something you hate to do that I do for you since your language of love is service!  Hence your clean house, brushed dogs, and the necklace I gave you!  It’s not even your day of birth yet and I am done!

Anyway, I just wanted to wish you a glorious birthday.  I hope you have a great day at work complete with people telling you how marvelous and irreplaceable you are!  Today you can feel free to wear your shirt- It’s all about me!

Tomorrow it’s another story….

The Good Bad and the Ugly has disappeared.

 I’m going to take over……

No I did not kill her…..