The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

I come home after dropping the boy off from a weekend of festivities with all three sisters…yes we do scare him… I get home, look at the counter expecting to see my delicious sugar cookies from paradise awaiting me…and they are gone….immediately I yell to the sister….

M-Did you steal my cookies?

S-No.

M-Where did you put them I left them right here on the island!

S- I did not take them!

M-I don’t believe you!

*Side note these cookies are the best sugar cookies EVER! Seriously they have to be laced with some kind of addictive drug or something… no joke and I needed them because tomorrow is sure to be a bad day…ABJ here I come.*

S-Did the animals get them?

M-No way they have been on the counter all day! And I don’t see any trash!

*Walks around house to discover ONE tiny sliver of evidence!  One tiny sliver of purple writing on brown paper…oh paradise cookies! My anger builds immediately and I want to cry that is how good these cookies are!  They were meant for my belly to help me through tomorrow!*

My sisters pets are demons…and currently I hate them for stealing my delicious snack….I can’t even look at those terror twins…oh paradise sugar cookies I feel your loss.

Or so I thought when Hubby and I entered the cactus-on-the-doors Mexican restaurant last Sunday. Little did I know my craving for Mexican food in the Land of Far, Far Away would soon be squelched by their inability to even make a tasty fajita.

Sad days…no Jersey Mike’s in close proximities and no Mexican food? What HAVE we come too?

Me to Hubby: We have to stop! I NEED mexican food.

Hubby: I don’t think it will be very good out here…not what you are used to!

Me: How bad could it be? There are cacti on the doors? Awww feels like home!

Hubby: Ok, but I am not sure about this….

Me: It HAS to be good, even the waiter has an accent! It’s authentic!

Hubby: I wouldn’t be so sure….

Me: I am having fajitas…I am craving them.

Out come our fajitas….

Hubby: How is it?

Me: Not good…it’s like they didn’t season the meat.

Hubby: See I TOLD you!

Me: WHY did you make me move here? NO good food, higher prices on alcohol, AND people talk funny…..I miss HOME!

So tonight I was assisting with dinner…..

mmm bloody fingers for dinner...

There I am grating carrots for the potato salad when….. I just about grate off my finger!

Me: OUCH!

Hubby: What??!!! What did you do?

Me: I nearly grated off my finger!

Hubby: Be careful!

Me: Oh I am ok, there just might be a little blood mixed in with these carrots….

Me: Think of it like SHARK WEEK for food….

Hubby: Ew.

Me: And this is why I don’t belong in the kitchen.

Me: Eh, and to think I don’t even have health insurance…..yet

(tomorrow starts the new job)

I was suffering from SEVERE withdrawls.  If any of you (Jersey Mike’s) out there are reading this. I NEED you to build a Jersey Mike’s store ASAP in the Land of Far, Far Away. I fear I might die from lack of JM’s. Do you want that kind of a tragedy on your hands?

I think not.

So, in order to combat death’s grasp on my dying, feeble existence, I decided to drive over 45 minutes to get some Jersey Mike’s. To ANOTHER state. Yes, you heard me right. I DROVE to go get some JM’s because it is THAT.GOOD. And let me tell you, once I made it to the far away store. Somehow, I KNEW everything would be ok.

I started pleading, begging, throwing myself at the owner to open one in the Land of Far, Far Away. I told him how FAR I would drive just to have my delicious 7 and 43 (yes I bought 4 giant subs to take home with me)!

And this is what happened:

Me (smiling and sniffing the JMs air): Oh kind sir, I need you to know I just drove from very far away to have your subs….

Owner: You drove THAT far just to have Jersey Mikes?!

Me: Oh yes, you don’t understand. I am your biggest fan. I live and breathe Jersey Mikes. I don’t care how far I have to drive. I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE Jersey Mike’s.

Owner: You really do, huh? Wow, I can’t get over you drove here just for that.

He disappears to the back….

Reappearing

Owner: I want to give you these 4 free sub coupons since you drove all the way out here…..

Me: Oh, thank you, thank you. No worries, I WILL be back. You are my new store. Well, until I start my own store…..

And that my friends, is why I LOVE Jersey Mikes! They complete me.

Love,

Your BIGGEST FAN FOREVER

Dear Taco Bell,

Thank you a thousand times over for bringing my Fully Loaded Nachos back! I LOVE fully loaded nachos! This time, don’t take them away! I need them to be happy, there isn’t much that makes me happy these days AND I am having a hard week!

So, don’t fail me, K?

Thank You,

Your BIGGEST FULLY LOADED NACHOS FAN

MMMMMMMMM

Well, it’s crazy to think I have been blogging for a whole year now. It seems like time has flown by, and while I think about all the crazy stuff I have told you stalkers friends out there in internet land, I also realize how cool you guys are. You have given me some advice, stood by me when times were tough and you even laughed at my inane, often crazy antics….so I kinda feel like we should take the next step you know?

Like maybe you all should give me PRESENTS in return for entertaining you, making you laugh and putting a little smile on your face! How about it? My address is…..ahhh nevermind. But you gotta give me points for trying, right?

Anyways, the kind folks at Jersey Mike’s have decided that in honor of my one year blogging anniversary: they will give two lucky readers a coupon to try a free Jersey Mike’s sub! CAN YOU BELIEVE IT? My stomach is growling as I type this. Remember, I am crazy obsessed with them. I mean, I’m telling you, until you try it for yourselves you will never understand the unquencheable desires that are Jersey Mike’s subs. But you don’t have to take my word for it. You can enter the giveaway yourself and let the passions of your stomach take over. You can thank me later.

Just tell me what your favorite food passion is and why. Also if you link to my blog from your blog you can be entered in the drawing more than once. AND if you tell me you love Jersey Mike’s too….well that will get you extra brownie points…..Good luck! Two winners will be announced on Friday’s random drawing (although my sisters are trying to bribe me to let them win, but they haven’t made me an offer I can’t refuse yet)!

Good luck and a HUGE THANK YOU to Melissa at Jersey Mike’s!

mmm subs!

I love you more than life itself. You are my best friends. If not for you, I don’t know how deep into the depths of despair I would sink; there would be no light at the end of the tunnel; I fear I would cease to exist. You guys are my love, my match, my soulmate.  Sometimes I fear I will DIE if I don’t see you. Like yesterday, for instance, luckily for you we met in person. I don’t know what I would have done, had I not seen you.

Why do I need you so, you ask?

Well, I am just undeniably attracted to you: your tasty bread, your succulent tomatoes, the shredded lettuce, the PILES of meat….see, I already have myself salivating for you again. As I have gotten older, I appreciate you even more, and the longer we have known each other (I think it has been almost 3 years now, since we first met—and I still love you) the more I appreciate your true inner beauty. As our love has progressed, I have learned to love you more and more every day.

BUT, I am afraid to tell you that my inner desires have gotten out of control as of late. No longer, does seeing you once a week do. Lately, I find myself daydreaming of you ALL.THE.TIME. I am like a Jersey Mike’s addict and I am beginning to think I need an intervention. (Ok, really Hubby thinks I need an intervention). Our relationship is turning me into a crazed animal—I can’t control myself when you are around and when we are apart, you are all I think about! It ISN’T healthy. So, it’s not YOU, it’s me. Maybe I should break this off, our love affair?

Or maybe I just need to see you again, like today?

 Undeniably Yours,

A True Addict

Soulmates...

I am about out of cereal, which means I have to venture out and try other things for dinner. GASP.

So, tonight I attempted to make dinner for me and Patches. I made salad for me, and dog food for her. Both were an epic failure. (Please don’t ask me how I messed up salad, ok? But, I got MAD skills in the kitchen…ok, maybe not)

Patches: Are you KIDDING me, Mom. This looks nasty. I’m gonna tell Dad you are trying to kill me.

Patches: What IS this?

Me: Fine, but look how much WORSE mine is! (BTW, Patches wouldn’t even touch mine–she at least sniffed hers!)

Me: Why does it look like my salad threw up on itself?

Ok, let’s go get some McDonalds!

Mmmm burgers

Moral of Story: we both ate our dinner and I didn’t kill the dog. YET.

hamburgers make dinnertime better!

Last night we were having dinner at Sar’s house when Hubby got up from the table to go check on something outside.

Rae: What is he doing?

Me: Oh, he is checking his propane tank. He needs to empty it so he can take it.

Sar’s Hubby: Can’t he just exchange it for a different tank?

Me (very matter of factly): Oh no, he is really crazy obsessed with having the same tank. He doesn’t like to exchange and get a different tank.

Rae: That’s weird.

Me: Nah, not really. Everyone has their WEIRD QUIRKS.

Sar’s Hubby: I don’t have any.

Sar (rolling eyes): YES YOU DO.

Sar’s Hubby: SURE. IF anyone has weird quirks it’s YOU.

Me: What are Sar’s quirks?

Sar’s Hubby: She freaks out if I move the furniture around. She HATES change.

Sar: Yup, it’s true. I don’t like when he moves stuff around cause then I can’t find it!

Sar’s Hubby (sarcasticly): Yea, like when I move the couch around…it’s hard to find where I put it.

Sar: It is! I mean I like things how I like them!

Me: Well, at least I don’t have any weird quirks!

Rae (to Hubby): Yes she does! Tell us what they are!

Hubby: I am not gonna say…don’t wanna get in trouble!

And that, my friends, is a wise Hubby…

mmmm #7!

I ate too much Jersey Mike’s for lunch and I had to unbutton the top button of my jeans.

My stomach is so full. I think I might give birth to a giant sub someday if I keep up with this JM obsession.

But, it is just THAT good….mmmmm

yea...this is NOT actually me...but this is what I HAD to do....