The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

So I’ve decided after a little soul searching and a trip down memory lane…that I am not throwing the towel in…I will make my way out of the ABJ and back into a life that makes me feel alive.

Lately I have noticed that I feel like a half dead version of myself.  All day long I sit at a desk listening to idiots who DON’T listen to me…I swear I have to repeat information at LEAST three times…No our hours are 8-5….they are eight to five.  Yeah if you ask me a third time they still DON’T change! WOW!

Also people I don’t make the rules….I know I may have told you something else the first time, well then someone else gave me a new rule to follow so I do so.  Yes I know this isn’t how it worked last time.  I am sorry for the confusion but this is how it is NOW I am following what others tell me…you can look at me and ask me in as many different questioning sentences as possible I still will not change what I have to say.

I also love how people look at me and cock their head when I tell them my schedule….Really yes I know I work shitty hours that change ALL WEEK LONG –you don’t need to look at me like that to remind me.

Also please do not tell me “wow you have a college degree and you are doing this”

Do you want my death to be on your hands?  Because I can make that a possibility-don’t tempt me or fate for that matter.

Now here is the sick truth readers….I am thinking of going back to school.  I just can’t make the decision for certain if that is what I should do because let’s face it I have bills and at least have to pretend to be an adult and I really am not sure how good of a multi- tasker I am.  But it’s an idea I’ve been throwing around my head….I would love to have a masters degree….and I like school so it seems like a win, win situation.  I just have to solidify myself on what I want to be when I grow up because let’s face it there is a difference between what I think would be a awesome job and what could actually make its way to reality. 

Also I miss my creative endeavors that made me feel like me…I miss dancing…and acting…and hanging out with friends…..i miss writing more than I do currently and I really want to love what I do…so I decided every night I need to put some time to these uses..whether that be exercising, blogging, or job searching it will be done….Wish me luck!

GBU2

Dear ABJ-

You never fail to impress upon me just how extremely angry you can make me.  I love watching day in and day out just how incompetent people are, especially when they work the job I used to work.  I also love to see how many people have credit for things that I did when i was in said job.  I love watching people lie, cheat, and steal and get patted on the back for it.  ALSO it is my absolute favorite when no one does their job and expects me to pick up the slack.  Thanks for never realizing hey the person that is the closing shift is actually on vacation…oh well that must be my problem now…what I call my manager and that said manager never picks up the phone?  Oh well.  I love dealing with all these shannanigans when you have never paid me enough, try daily to make me feel like my talents are not as amazing as I KNOW they are, and make me feel like a crazy angry person that wants to set fire to a building.  ABJ you never disapoint when wanting to make me pull out my hair, scream, cry, and set fire to a building.  My hatred for you has grown  a hundred times over.  My poor family hears daily about how i just want to shoot bitches.  I thought I could deal with you ABJ-but i just may have been mistaken.

I HATE YOU. 

Sincerely,

GBU2

Dear Fairy Godmother—

Don’t take this the wrong way but, I haven’t seen you around a lot lately. 

Where did you go?  Are you on vacation?  In the bathroom?  Indisposed?  In the hospital?

Please, Please make a return to my life and make it quick! 

It would be much appreciated if you came back before I drown myself

in a disaster of my own design!  Please and thank you!

Sincerely,

GBU2

So after “awhile” back at the good old ABJ….I have come to the conclusion that presents to myself are a necessity…even mandatory to my good mental health…good may even be a stretch-so you get the idea….it’s really not an optional activity.

Anyway presents–they are my rewards for not saying the nasty little thoughts that go wizzing through my head multiple times a day when dealing with demons at the ABJ.

I have successfully, as of yet anyway. Kept MOST negative things to myself, Yes dear readers I sadly can not keep it in check ALL the time, but I’m pretty good at keeping MOST of my angry little thoughts to myself.  I’m kinda like a helium balloon…I’m still floating but I get closer to the ground slowly…

 I’m pretty sure if I didn’t let some anger out I just might detonate like a bomb and explode the building…which wouldn’t be too bad….

ANYWAY I have survived thus far and it has been a feat.

AND so far I have gotten myself approximately…. ten plus present for the last ninety hours back…hmm this job just might be more expensive than it is worth!

Don’t look shocked we all have them in one form or another….My abusive boyfriend is my job…which I refer to as ABJ for short.

It’s something we go back to because what we have right now…isn’t any better.  This inevitably happens at different points in our lives and we stand there twiddling our thumbs wondering what we should be doing.  Feeling lost and alone and BAM!  Something we once loathed suddenly doesn’t look all that terrible.  I mean the night before I was totally thinking about how much I hate you and how death would become you..but you want me back? Hmmm maybe I don’t hate you as much as I thought.  I mean I know we are most likely going to make the same mistakes as before…but I’m not doing anything right now…and either are you and you want me.  It’s funny how those words/ sentiments can change everything.

ABJ I still think we are all wrong for each other and I may kill myself because of you…but let’s try this…just for now.

 This week I went out to lunch with some friends. Somehow we got on the conversation of dancing. You know the kind, where you go out at night and a little drinking is involved.

Friend: Do you like to dance?

Me: Ummmm well, as long as liquor is involved.

Friend: What music do you like to dance to?

Me (incredulous): Are you really asking ME this question? Why…Britney of course.

Note: In the past, I have found that (for me) drinking and Britney don’t mix…as you can tell by this picture, it does SEEM to be my downfall…

PS. I have WAY worse pictures than this, but I am not dumb enough to plaster them over the internet

Back in the day...