The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

So I’ve decided after a little soul searching and a trip down memory lane…that I am not throwing the towel in…I will make my way out of the ABJ and back into a life that makes me feel alive.

Lately I have noticed that I feel like a half dead version of myself.  All day long I sit at a desk listening to idiots who DON’T listen to me…I swear I have to repeat information at LEAST three times…No our hours are 8-5….they are eight to five.  Yeah if you ask me a third time they still DON’T change! WOW!

Also people I don’t make the rules….I know I may have told you something else the first time, well then someone else gave me a new rule to follow so I do so.  Yes I know this isn’t how it worked last time.  I am sorry for the confusion but this is how it is NOW I am following what others tell me…you can look at me and ask me in as many different questioning sentences as possible I still will not change what I have to say.

I also love how people look at me and cock their head when I tell them my schedule….Really yes I know I work shitty hours that change ALL WEEK LONG –you don’t need to look at me like that to remind me.

Also please do not tell me “wow you have a college degree and you are doing this”

Do you want my death to be on your hands?  Because I can make that a possibility-don’t tempt me or fate for that matter.

Now here is the sick truth readers….I am thinking of going back to school.  I just can’t make the decision for certain if that is what I should do because let’s face it I have bills and at least have to pretend to be an adult and I really am not sure how good of a multi- tasker I am.  But it’s an idea I’ve been throwing around my head….I would love to have a masters degree….and I like school so it seems like a win, win situation.  I just have to solidify myself on what I want to be when I grow up because let’s face it there is a difference between what I think would be a awesome job and what could actually make its way to reality. 

Also I miss my creative endeavors that made me feel like me…I miss dancing…and acting…and hanging out with friends…..i miss writing more than I do currently and I really want to love what I do…so I decided every night I need to put some time to these uses..whether that be exercising, blogging, or job searching it will be done….Wish me luck!

GBU2

So I was talking to the sister the other day about sister number two’s demon dogs and I decided to catalogue all the animal’s crazy personality types…..

Dog number one goes by S.  She is the oldest of sister twos animals.  She also likes to be a skank and show off her vagina to dog number two….she is the oldest and she is very comfortable with her sexuality..….which I guess we shouldn’t be surprised about.  She did LOVE the toy big fluffy toy grandma gave her.  And for reasons unknown to me believed it to be a sexual toy…poor humpty never had a chance of surviving.

Dog number two goes by C.  He is that teenage boy in high school that believes the more ANNOYING you are the more likely the girl is to fall madly in love with you.  He is like that boy in high school who thought that he was illustrating his admiration for you by jiggling your chair all through freshman honors English.  The boy you contemplated slapping in the face daily….Yes that is exactly who C is, except he believes following you, trying to trip you, and sniffing your crotch is the BEST THING EVER!

Sister number one’s dog P is the oldest of the bunch, but does not act like it at all.  She is needy, CAN NOT BE LEFT ALONE!  Loves to tattle on the other dogs when they are fighting.  Mopes around the house and wants her mother’s attention 24/7.  Also loves her butt scratched, just like her mother….hmmmm

I am also surrounded by two cats who love to have sex and chase each other around the house.  E is a girl and she can only handle girl attention.  She also is deathly afraid of sister one and runs like a lunatic around the house.  K is a needy boy who does not get enough attention as of late and walks around the house crying….searching for someone to love him.

THIS IS MY DAILY LIFE IN A NUTSHELL FOLKS!

BTW if you can’t tell I was babysitting the pets this last weekend….where is my vacation? 

Dear Fairy Godmother—

Don’t take this the wrong way but, I haven’t seen you around a lot lately. 

Where did you go?  Are you on vacation?  In the bathroom?  Indisposed?  In the hospital?

Please, Please make a return to my life and make it quick! 

It would be much appreciated if you came back before I drown myself

in a disaster of my own design!  Please and thank you!

Sincerely,

GBU2

If you put a group of girls together issues arise.  If you put a group of girls together with a few boys sprinkled in, issues still arise.

Each girl wants to be in charge, each girl wants to look the best, and each will try to win.

This does not change whether the girls are friends or sisters. The only thing that changes is HOW they try to get the control. 

I experienced a different level of GT a couple of days ago, I say different because I am used to my sister’s unique levels of GT as well as their usual weapons of choice.  I.E Screaming, yelling, threats to get me to do things for them, or even them taking something I want and using it for their own gain.  They essentially become a tag team when we live in the same house.  Basically it’s always two against one with us.  As long as someone that isn’t us is losing we are cool with that.

I can ignore their joint GT because it is a usual occurrence.  It is a part of my everyday life. 

Outside GT on the other hand is a difficult, daunting, or even draining experience because it is an assault on all one’s senses.  It is something that no one is used to, therefore you have no defense. 

With my sisters I can at least logic that they are my blood and never really could or would hate or judge me.  I believe for as much as sisters torture you-they also are a built in support system.  They tear you down so no one else can.  Sick I know.   

Anyway- when you grow up with specific attacks you need no defense it CAN NOT and will NOT tear you down.  It is the background music to your life.

Outside attacks on the other hand are a different breed.  They are like a horror movie that makes you jump repeatedly because you never know what is coming.  Are they attacking you with niceties?  Sass?  Sarcasm?  You never know what the battle will be….

There is no way, absolutely no way to get around GT.  At most you will be able to ignore familiar GT.

GT can be expected at work, home or play.

At best it is confusing and at worst GT is emotionally draining.

WARNING- GT- can be illustrated by; whining, crying, arguing, yelling, any device to help you get your way-sometimes even silence is utilized.  Short spurts of niceties complete with backhanded comments are a sign that GT has struck again!

So the other day I am getting ready for the day brushing my teeth…thinking well this is as good as I am going to look today bantering with the sister who is doing the same in her room….and when I go to open the door…what do I hear?

Sister-don’t come out!

Me-Why?

S-I am changing my shirt

M-*re-closing bathroom door, thinking to myself not only is her bedroom door WIDE OPEN, but I totally saw naturual light from her room* Isn’t your window and blinds WIDE OPEN?

S- eh

M-Seriously you are worried about me seeing you when any chester molester out there can see perfectly well into your room?

And this dear friends is a regular day at my house…

So today is the sisters’ bday and she is very demanding….she has decided to go to work because she wants as many people as possible to tell her how AMAZING she is….her words not mine….

She likes loads of attention…me, I would personally rather stay in bed all day on my birthday…She wants as many people as possible to acknowledge that this is in fact HER day…Lately she has been claiming April as her ENTIRE MONTH…insanity I know.  Especially when April is also her boy’s birthday month as well, she has been trying to talk him into changing months.  The negotiations aren’t going too well.

She has been telling me for days that the ONLY thing she wants for her Birthday is a surprise party.  I told her that is not a gift, nor is it something she is going to get.  Ridiculous.  I love you sis…but a gift is something I can buy at the store gift wrap (badly in comics!) and give to you…Or something you hate to do that I do for you since your language of love is service!  Hence your clean house, brushed dogs, and the necklace I gave you!  It’s not even your day of birth yet and I am done!

Anyway, I just wanted to wish you a glorious birthday.  I hope you have a great day at work complete with people telling you how marvelous and irreplaceable you are!  Today you can feel free to wear your shirt- It’s all about me!

Tomorrow it’s another story….

This weekend, I attended MHCIW’s birthday party. I was very excited to be a part of the festivities. She turned 3, and couldn’t have been more excited for the festivities to begin:

MHCIW: LOOK at my castle! (giant bouncy castle in the backyard)

Me: WOW, that is amazing! Very nice!

MHCIW: Why, thank you. It’s my birthday!

Me: I know.

MHCIW: I want my presents.

Me: You have to wait til your friends get here.

MHCIW (beginning to pout): BUT, I want a present!

Me to her Mom: Can I give her what I brought her?

MHCIW’s Mom (sighing): Ok, you can have ONE present now.

So, lo and behold, I gave her the present I brought her, which happened to be a princess tent. The light in her eyes was enough for me!

MHCIW: WOW. A princess tent.

Me: Wanna set it up?

MHCIW: I am a princess!

We set it up….

MHCIW: I AM A PRINCESS!

Me: Uh huh (uh oh, what did I create)

MHCIW: You have to guard my tent. The princess is SLEEPING.

Me: Ok.

MHCIW: BE QUIET EVERYONE!

MHCIW: THE PRINCESS IS SLEEPING.

MHCIW: GO TELL EVERYONE TO BE QUIET!

Me: Ok.

5 minutes pass.

MHCIW bolts out of her princess tent.

MHCIW: DADDY, BE QUIET! The PRINCESS IS SLEEPING. (she then turns off the tv)

Both parents look at me……

Me: Sorry? But the princess is SLEEPING!

Time for me to go home. My work here is done!

 :)

The Closest image I could find in relation to the elusive Mountain Man....

Another day in the life of me and Hubby’s pre-bedtime conversations. Oh, to be a fly on our wall, right?

Me: Guess what? It is YOUR lucky day!

Hubby (looking a little scared): Why?

Me (proudly): I shaved my legs!

Hubby: MMMMM

Me: Oh, don’t worry your not THAT kinda lucky. Plus you still have that scruff going on.

Hubby: But I look SEXY.

Me: More like a Mountain Man.

Hubby: No, this is not Mountain Man, this is Wilderness Boy. Wilderness boy is just scruff…Mountain Man is full blown beard.

Me: OK, glad we have that straight now.