The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

It’s just been a LONG week, right? But, sometimes things are not as they appear….

Sar: So, I found the perfect Haunted House for us to go to! Aren’t you excited?

Me: YAY! I want to go! Take me! I need to get in the Halloween spirit!

Sar: Only problem is: I am broke!

Me: Great! Me too.

Sar: I know, let’s get Rae to take us. She is rich.

Me: But, she HATES haunted houses, remember?

Sar: That’s ok, we can just tell her it is a DISNEY haunted house!
We will trick her!

This weekend, I attended MHCIW’s birthday party. I was very excited to be a part of the festivities. She turned 3, and couldn’t have been more excited for the festivities to begin:

MHCIW: LOOK at my castle! (giant bouncy castle in the backyard)

Me: WOW, that is amazing! Very nice!

MHCIW: Why, thank you. It’s my birthday!

Me: I know.

MHCIW: I want my presents.

Me: You have to wait til your friends get here.

MHCIW (beginning to pout): BUT, I want a present!

Me to her Mom: Can I give her what I brought her?

MHCIW’s Mom (sighing): Ok, you can have ONE present now.

So, lo and behold, I gave her the present I brought her, which happened to be a princess tent. The light in her eyes was enough for me!

MHCIW: WOW. A princess tent.

Me: Wanna set it up?

MHCIW: I am a princess!

We set it up….

MHCIW: I AM A PRINCESS!

Me: Uh huh (uh oh, what did I create)

MHCIW: You have to guard my tent. The princess is SLEEPING.

Me: Ok.

MHCIW: BE QUIET EVERYONE!

MHCIW: THE PRINCESS IS SLEEPING.

MHCIW: GO TELL EVERYONE TO BE QUIET!

Me: Ok.

5 minutes pass.

MHCIW bolts out of her princess tent.

MHCIW: DADDY, BE QUIET! The PRINCESS IS SLEEPING. (she then turns off the tv)

Both parents look at me……

Me: Sorry? But the princess is SLEEPING!

Time for me to go home. My work here is done!

 :)

Yea, somedays you just feel like this……….I LOVE angry little girs!

Gotta give the parents credit, at least they are trying other means of communication, albeit still not TEXTING YET….still working on the tough love as indicated below:

Email at Work:

From Dad

Subject: No texting allowed

Message: What is the latest on the car? How are things going? (the text hater)

Email back to Dad:

From: Me

Message: Learn to Text! Since you won’t let me text, here is what my response WOULD be in texting:

Car sux, doing gr8, whatev

Am I grounded now?

if cars could talk....

Car (to me): I am so over you. I don’t like you anymore. I don’t care to work properly anymore and you can’t make me.

Me (begging): Please? I need you to last me another 2 years at least…because times are tough, Car! And well, I KNOW deep down inside you love me, don’t you?

Car (deep sigh): No, not really. I loved the mechanic at Sears. He knew how to get under my hood. You? You give me nothing.

Me (even deeper sigh): BUT, I DO love you,  maybe I just don’t say it enough? I’m sorry. I am not good with emotions.

Car (revengeful): Well, those are things you need to work on. Until you can talk to me more, and tell me what you are feeling, I will act up. Sorry, it’s just the way it is. Sometimes, I think you need a little tough love.

Me: FINE.

Few minutes later….the cd player stops working. FOREVER (ok, it’s only been a day now…but COME ON……..)

Me: 0 points

Car: 2, 565 points

Mom and Dad: Chant after me: I think I can...I think I can...

ET: Phone Home…..THAT was the message I got from my Mom the other day.

Why?

Because I NEVER call anyone, I only text. BUT, she should know this by now!

Dear Mom and Dad,

No, I am not dead. I am very much alive. I know you would like me to call you, but you both need to learn to become more efficient texters, so until you do, I cannot call you. If I give in to your every call you will never learn to text me. I know this is tough, but sometimes a little tough love is needed to break you of your bad habits. I know this because you taught me all about tough love.

Guys, this is the new and modern age. Where texting is the rage! You don’t need to hear my voice! Really, come on….give it a try….I promise to text you back

Love ya,

Your Texting only daughter

Yesterday I was hanging out with the sister, listening to her fun night out, when I realized she just MIGHT be funnier than me. Darn, I need to up my game…..

Me: So, did you have fun last night; did you go out drinking?

Rae: Yea, I did.

Me: Did you do anything bad?

Rae: Ummm no, but somehow we got on the topic about how I like to kiss girls when I drink. But, don’t worry, I’m not dirty…I only kiss girls I know.

And that is when I knew she had surpassed me in witty one-liners….

You suck. Why do you insist on being quiet ALL DAY, but as soon as it’s 2am…..the NOISES start?

What’s your deal? I am on to you. I know you are dragging dead bodies around up there. The chainsaw noises are giving you away, along with the loud thumps of (probably) limbs falling to the floor.

I don’t mind if you feel the need to kill people, but really, can you keep it down when I am trying to sleep? Please?

Thanks,

Your concerned neighbor

Yea, it’s been a bad one….