The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

Well, folks, I think I am about ready to make a come back. I know it’s been awhile. A LONG while in fact. But, I have had some major life changes and basically had to take a break from here. I didn’t intend to be gone so long and I know you missed me….but I think, along the way, you got to meet my Sis….and get a feel for the crazy that is my family

BUT, on that note, I know you missed me! Just know, I am about to make my comeback…but go easy on me…it’s been awhile and it might take me awhile to get my sense of humor in full blast again!

And with that, I will plunge in again….are you ready for me? Did you miss me?

Dear Fairy Godmother—

Don’t take this the wrong way but, I haven’t seen you around a lot lately. 

Where did you go?  Are you on vacation?  In the bathroom?  Indisposed?  In the hospital?

Please, Please make a return to my life and make it quick! 

It would be much appreciated if you came back before I drown myself

in a disaster of my own design!  Please and thank you!

Sincerely,

GBU2

If you put a group of girls together issues arise.  If you put a group of girls together with a few boys sprinkled in, issues still arise.

Each girl wants to be in charge, each girl wants to look the best, and each will try to win.

This does not change whether the girls are friends or sisters. The only thing that changes is HOW they try to get the control. 

I experienced a different level of GT a couple of days ago, I say different because I am used to my sister’s unique levels of GT as well as their usual weapons of choice.  I.E Screaming, yelling, threats to get me to do things for them, or even them taking something I want and using it for their own gain.  They essentially become a tag team when we live in the same house.  Basically it’s always two against one with us.  As long as someone that isn’t us is losing we are cool with that.

I can ignore their joint GT because it is a usual occurrence.  It is a part of my everyday life. 

Outside GT on the other hand is a difficult, daunting, or even draining experience because it is an assault on all one’s senses.  It is something that no one is used to, therefore you have no defense. 

With my sisters I can at least logic that they are my blood and never really could or would hate or judge me.  I believe for as much as sisters torture you-they also are a built in support system.  They tear you down so no one else can.  Sick I know.   

Anyway- when you grow up with specific attacks you need no defense it CAN NOT and will NOT tear you down.  It is the background music to your life.

Outside attacks on the other hand are a different breed.  They are like a horror movie that makes you jump repeatedly because you never know what is coming.  Are they attacking you with niceties?  Sass?  Sarcasm?  You never know what the battle will be….

There is no way, absolutely no way to get around GT.  At most you will be able to ignore familiar GT.

GT can be expected at work, home or play.

At best it is confusing and at worst GT is emotionally draining.

WARNING- GT- can be illustrated by; whining, crying, arguing, yelling, any device to help you get your way-sometimes even silence is utilized.  Short spurts of niceties complete with backhanded comments are a sign that GT has struck again!

I come home after dropping the boy off from a weekend of festivities with all three sisters…yes we do scare him… I get home, look at the counter expecting to see my delicious sugar cookies from paradise awaiting me…and they are gone….immediately I yell to the sister….

M-Did you steal my cookies?

S-No.

M-Where did you put them I left them right here on the island!

S- I did not take them!

M-I don’t believe you!

*Side note these cookies are the best sugar cookies EVER! Seriously they have to be laced with some kind of addictive drug or something… no joke and I needed them because tomorrow is sure to be a bad day…ABJ here I come.*

S-Did the animals get them?

M-No way they have been on the counter all day! And I don’t see any trash!

*Walks around house to discover ONE tiny sliver of evidence!  One tiny sliver of purple writing on brown paper…oh paradise cookies! My anger builds immediately and I want to cry that is how good these cookies are!  They were meant for my belly to help me through tomorrow!*

My sisters pets are demons…and currently I hate them for stealing my delicious snack….I can’t even look at those terror twins…oh paradise sugar cookies I feel your loss.

So the other day I am getting ready for the day brushing my teeth…thinking well this is as good as I am going to look today bantering with the sister who is doing the same in her room….and when I go to open the door…what do I hear?

Sister-don’t come out!

Me-Why?

S-I am changing my shirt

M-*re-closing bathroom door, thinking to myself not only is her bedroom door WIDE OPEN, but I totally saw naturual light from her room* Isn’t your window and blinds WIDE OPEN?

S- eh

M-Seriously you are worried about me seeing you when any chester molester out there can see perfectly well into your room?

And this dear friends is a regular day at my house…

So today is the sisters’ bday and she is very demanding….she has decided to go to work because she wants as many people as possible to tell her how AMAZING she is….her words not mine….

She likes loads of attention…me, I would personally rather stay in bed all day on my birthday…She wants as many people as possible to acknowledge that this is in fact HER day…Lately she has been claiming April as her ENTIRE MONTH…insanity I know.  Especially when April is also her boy’s birthday month as well, she has been trying to talk him into changing months.  The negotiations aren’t going too well.

She has been telling me for days that the ONLY thing she wants for her Birthday is a surprise party.  I told her that is not a gift, nor is it something she is going to get.  Ridiculous.  I love you sis…but a gift is something I can buy at the store gift wrap (badly in comics!) and give to you…Or something you hate to do that I do for you since your language of love is service!  Hence your clean house, brushed dogs, and the necklace I gave you!  It’s not even your day of birth yet and I am done!

Anyway, I just wanted to wish you a glorious birthday.  I hope you have a great day at work complete with people telling you how marvelous and irreplaceable you are!  Today you can feel free to wear your shirt- It’s all about me!

Tomorrow it’s another story….

The Good Bad and the Ugly has disappeared.

 I’m going to take over……

No I did not kill her…..

I am not much of a facebook fan, but this is SO my sister and her quest for the MOST.FRIENDS.POSSIBLE. Right, Sar?

This week I got it into my head that the little sis should visit me in the Land of Far, Far Away. Mostly because I am bored and I want someone to suffer through the snow with me (don’t tell her this part). And also because I thought we could have some fun sister time bonding over booze and comparing whose life is worse, all while eating White Castle burgers. That is our specialty. She told me to find a cheap ticket and she would consider this idea.

However the little sister disappoints. She hates me, I am convinced. She wants nothing to do with me OR the Land of Far, Far Away.

Calling….(and I NEVER call)

Me: I found you an amazing deal!  Come now!

Rae: Uh huh. What did you find?

Me: Well the ticket was 232, but don’t ask me for how many days….

Rae: HOW MANY DAYS?

Me: Uhhhh just a few….

Rae: How many days?

Me: Umm 2 weeks….

Rae: OMG! I DO NOT WANT TO STAY THAT LONG.

Me: You don’t love me.

Rae: 2 weeks with you? What would I do?

Me: Play with me…when I am not a work.

Rae: Eh. The Land of Far, Far Away sounds boring.

Me: So…..we can have fun hanging out at wal-mart!

Me: I will buy you a book….

Rae: No.

Clearly my own sister hates me and wants me to suffer. Isn’t that awful?

Next time she should remember WHO has the upper hand when this sister has bribing materials in the form of  drunken baby sister pictures…..

And this is why I hate my sister, because she sends me these types of texts….

Sar: It is SO HOT here, I had to use my AC….ugh.

Me: Eff you. It is snowing here.

Hence, my sister is EVIL.