The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

This week I got it into my head that the little sis should visit me in the Land of Far, Far Away. Mostly because I am bored and I want someone to suffer through the snow with me (don’t tell her this part). And also because I thought we could have some fun sister time bonding over booze and comparing whose life is worse, all while eating White Castle burgers. That is our specialty. She told me to find a cheap ticket and she would consider this idea.

However the little sister disappoints. She hates me, I am convinced. She wants nothing to do with me OR the Land of Far, Far Away.

Calling….(and I NEVER call)

Me: I found you an amazing deal!  Come now!

Rae: Uh huh. What did you find?

Me: Well the ticket was 232, but don’t ask me for how many days….

Rae: HOW MANY DAYS?

Me: Uhhhh just a few….

Rae: How many days?

Me: Umm 2 weeks….

Rae: OMG! I DO NOT WANT TO STAY THAT LONG.

Me: You don’t love me.

Rae: 2 weeks with you? What would I do?

Me: Play with me…when I am not a work.

Rae: Eh. The Land of Far, Far Away sounds boring.

Me: So…..we can have fun hanging out at wal-mart!

Me: I will buy you a book….

Rae: No.

Clearly my own sister hates me and wants me to suffer. Isn’t that awful?

Next time she should remember WHO has the upper hand when this sister has bribing materials in the form of  drunken baby sister pictures…..

What’s better then….a nice, BIG, alcoholic drink?

mmm alcohol...

What’s better than leaving the HEAT of the scorching desert and being out in 70 degree weather all Labor Day weekend?

Dorothy, you're not in Kansas anymore...

What’s better then spending all weekend with Hubby (that you haven’t seen in over a month) by a babbling brook?

Yea, I was HERE...

Seeing my cat, Boston! Whom I love more than anything (yea, it’s ok, Hubby KNOWS this)

PRICELESS

He LOVES me again...but don't tell him I have to leave...

This weekend the sisters and I are planning to go visit with Hacim. Yea, it’s been awhile. Anyway, I have known Hacim for a very long time. This being said the sisters and I are looking forward to spending some time torturing our (honorary) adopted brother.

But, the funny part is, apparently he is more excited to be tortured by us then I thought! I received an email from him the other day. It said:

Hacim: 3 more days…

Me: You that excited to see me, huh…that you started a countdown? How cute!

Hacim: No. Not really.

Me: Yea right….you miss me…HEY, do you know where babies come from?

Ahhh 3 more days til the torture begins…..

This weekend, while visiting Hubby’s Grandmother the funniest thing happened. We went over to their place for cocktail hour before dinner and Hubby cracked open a beer.

Grandmother: You want a mug for that?

Hubby: Sure, I guess so.

She then proceeded to walk over to the bar area and holds out about six of those freezer mugs. You know, the kind that you should put in the freezer, so when you pull them out they are nice and cold for that perfect, ice cold beer? MMM I am getting thirsty just thinking about it. Well, she didn’t really know the purpose of the freezer mug.

Hubby: Grandmother, I think you are supposed to put those in the freezer, that way they are nice and cold and keep your drink that way.

Grandmother: Oh, I wasn’t really sure what they were for. I guess I didn’t realize they don’t stay iced if you don’t put them in the freezer. Silly me.

So, she takes all six of those mugs and puts them into the freezer and her significant other (SO) asks her what she is doing. They then proceed to argue about the significance of freezer mugs for about 10 minutes:

Grandmother: Did you know you have to KEEP these in the freezer for them to work?

SO (crabby-like): Huh, what? Why do mugs go in the freezer? That’s stupid.

Grandmother: So they stay nice and cold. I didn’t realize they melted.

SO: Huh, why would they melt? I don’t understand.

Grandmother: Because they are a FREEZER mug.

SO: But, why doesn’t he just drink his beer out of the bottle? What does he need this mug for? WHY does it go in the freezer?

And that is how the freezer mug started a fight….

So, this past weekend, Hubby and I went to California to visit his family for his Grandmother’s birthday. I must admit, I was a little remiss to make a turn-around trip ( mostly because I HATE road trips, I am just not a good traveler and we were up there for one one whole day and half the next morning), but I am glad we went. We had a great time with the family despite some minor obstacles.

We drove up late Saturday night and arrived basically in time to go to bed. Hubby was hoping a night without the pets and a NOISY sister would allow for a good night’s sleep. (AWWW, isn’t he sweet?) However, he couldn’t have been MORE wrong on that one. His dad, in the next room, was snoring SO LOUD that I thought he might wake up the entire hotel. And I don’t mean light snoring, I mean shaking our room so the walls shake and there might be an earthquake snoring. I mean just imagine that the snoring is SO.VERY.LOUD that even a pillow over your head won’t block out the noise! Yea, it was bad and since I could barely sleep, I decided to wake Hubby up too.

What? He shouldn’t be sleeping, if I’m not!

Me: PSSSST Hubby!

Hubby: Huh….Wha?

Me: HOW does your Mom sleep through THAT snoring?

Hubby(falling back asleep): Ugh. I have no idea

Me: PSSSST Hubby…I can’t sleep. PSST. PSST PSST…..

fastforward next morning

Dad: How’d you guys sleep?

Us: NOT AT ALL! YOU SNORE!

Dad: No I don’t. I wear breath right strips.

Us: They don’t work!

So then we all decide to go to breakfast. The hotel we were staying at had a waffle maker where you could make your own waffles! I was SUPER excited. I.LOVE.FOOD. And am particulary fond of breakfast food. However here’s what happened:

There I am minding my own business, making waffles when I am approached by a crazy-haired waffle nazi lady (WNL) with a psycho look in her eye.

WNL: Whose waffle is in there?

Me: Mine.

WNL: Well, did you set the timer? I mean geez.

Me: No, I don’t need timers, I can magically sense when it is done. I am just THAT good. (under my breath so she didn’t hear me): psycho I am going to throw my waffle in your face

WNL: I mean geezus there are A LOT of people here wanting waffles. You can’t hog the waffle machine!

She was terrible people, she was just crazy and very obnoxious about the waffle machine. Who knew that waffles would bring out the worst in people?

How do these crazies ALWAYS find me…even on vacation?